Set your heart on doing good.
Do it over and over again and you will be filled with joy.
–Buddha-
‘AMIGURUMI’ is a Japanese art of making stuffed toys by crocheting or knitting. It is a compound of two Japanese words ‘ami’ means crocheted or knitted ‘nuigurumi’ means stuffed dolls.
I did not plan to do AMIGURUMI, it is one of the art forms I accidentally learnt while I was trying to do some activity without disturbing anybody at night time, as I suffer from insomnia! I picked up a book my daughter got on her 7th birth day. With little effort I made my first teddy bear, which my daughter absolutely loved. Then I started exploring and found that nothing is impossible to learn in this modern era of technology! Google search and Youtube made it easy for me to learn this art form.
‘Necessity is the mother of invention’. My restricted mobility and insomnia forced me to stay at home but I needed to find activities to divert my mind to stay sane. I lived with guilt as I thought I couldn’t do my duties well as a mother, a wife, a daughter and even as a friend, as I was not with them as much as other person in my role would do. I am constantly fighting with myself to stay focused and to prove it to myself that I am not lying or faking my pains, and doing my best!
I lived a double standard life for a long time, to stay with my active friends and mums I had to pretend to be fine which was very exhausting for me. I had to prepare myself for days ahead to be able to spend some time out with them, and then ended up in bed for days afterward. I chose my double standard life style for my children and my family as it was difficult for me to explain my condition to people outside as my pains were not visible and also I looked fit and healthy due to my self discipline. But this constant tug of war made me realise that I am not fit for them and started to keep myself away. Now some of my friend tells me that they get inspiration from me as I make everything look very easy so they try to learn from me, which is very satisfying!
As time passed my situation also changed. My children grew up and my priorities shifted. I began to explore different activities which better suited my abilities. I got into knitting or crocheting as it doesn’t need a lot of physical strength, in fact it suits my condition well. I can do it whilst in bed when I am tired with pain and muscle cramps. I learnt to make toys, woolly hats and socks while in bed! It is very therapeutic creating new things and my friends and family enjoy my creations. My mindful activities help me to live a life with dignity-I can hide myself behind these endeavors and keep away from the mainstream crowds!
It will be not wrong if I say that I hide myself well, behind my activities. I have created this small world where I can keep my daily struggle hidden from all.
I make small key rings, bag charms and small toys, hats, woollies, beanies, slipper socks etc.
Buddha’s teaching ” Some people thinks that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality, the strongest people are the ones feel it, understand it, and accept it!” inspires me at times when I become week and get tempted to give up, and helps me to carry on and to help others out there who are also struggling!